Streaks...

Its not about boxing Lucky...

2010-05-28T11:39:00.001-07:00

So Lucky, big night today huh? Finally the day you dreamt about each single night for the past five years, is here. The Championship night!!! Boxing enthusiasts, fans, former champions, moviestars, politicians, corporate big-wigs are all keenly awaiting you beside the ring to be witness to what is being called the ‘Match of the decade’. Back home, everyone from Chandigarh to Calcutta, from Madurai to Mumbai, Assam to Ahmedabad, from Dharavi to Delhi has his eyes on you- full of expectation and hope. Tonight is more than just another match where two boxers fight it out for fame or money. Success tonight is not just about the short-lived joy of your fans. Most of the billion people who want you to win tonight, are people who live in despair and misery. Their lives are not a bit worth living, problems haunting them each day, each meal like blessing from the heavens, the rich and powerful making blank promises and shying away each time, its hell for them Lucky. Yet they forget all their miseries to cheer you. They completely relate with your rise from the streets of Bhiwani to Madison Square garden tonight. Their lives are linked to yours now- through a thread a hope- its like Voodoo. You are not fighting for yourself tonight, your are fighting for at least a billion people tonight.Your success, would make them stronger from the inside and give them the strength to fight, fight for a living, fight for honour. Your failure would mean devastation of their hopes and killing of the remote possibility that these people have about a dream of leading a life of respect - you must not allow that to happen- the thread of hope must not be allowed to break. And its not just India, but trust me, every underdog in the world, who ever dreamed, or dreams, of achieving something in life has his hopes pinned on you tonight. Your success will prove that life is not about what the world creates around you, but its about breaking the shackles of dogma created by the world.

I know it is a tough ask to fight with such a huge burden on your shoulders, especially when you are fighting the best boxer in the world for the championship. But, remember- these hopes and expectations are not a burden, but your strength. Uppercut, left jab, right jab, punch on the ribs- I wont tell you what to do tonight. All I will tell you as your coach is that Karim must see in your eyes the passion and aggression of a Tiger. He must see that he is not fighting another boxer, but a fighter representing the dreams and aspirations of millions around the world. Tonight, your eyes have to spit fire, your limbs have to move with agility of a Python, your punches have to pack the power of a violent elephant, your body language that of a ferocious Cobra. You have to tell him that you need this victory more than anyone.

It is you who fought corrupt bureaucrats. It is you who trained day in and day out night inspite of having no support- even your own body giving up after having worked all day in the burning sun for a living.It is you who struggled and lead a lonely battle to be here tonight. What you have is not a dream- dreams are just that- dreams- you are the reality, a new reality the world will see tonight, a revolution, that is going to create a new world. A world where courage is the biggest virtue and money a disgrace, where virtue of the human spirit defines a man, where every man has the right to lead a life of respect, where the glory of a man lies in the glory of the world. You have to win tonight Lucky and I know you will, because this is the beginning of a new era and no one can stop it, not even God, and you will lead the world into this new era. Tonight is not about boxing Lucky, its about life. And you are full of life- I can see it in your eyes. Go for it!!!!

Spectator or Participant??

2010-04-14T11:23:00.000-07:00

Hi Lucky,
I am here to bug you again. One question has been nagging me for quite some time. I’ll try to put it in a way that you can understand. Of all the people I have met, read about, heard about, dreamed or imagined of in my relatively short lifetime, I think all of them can be easily dichotomized into two categories- Participants and Spectators.
Its just like a game of tennis, a couple of players and millions of spectators watching the action. It takes months and may be even years of struggle and toil for a player to reach a Grand Slam or a least an ATP tournament where there are spectators to watch them play. Thousands start out playing aiming to become a Grand Slam winner some day- years of discipline, commitment, hard work and of course there is that element of luck- only a few make it to the top. Although lot of people (mostly cynics) say that a large portion of success is plain luck- I kind of disagree- I believe in the age-old saying of luck favouring the brave. After all, you have to be brave and perseverant enough to see through tough times, challenges and hardships to reach the top (this is not bollywood my friend where an actors’ kid is an actor by virtue of his birth- its pure merit here- that’s why I love sport!!). Each day hundreds pick up a racquet in some corner of the world with this dream of becoming the next Sampras or Borg or Federer and if someone has reached the top- if not anything else – he has at least crushed the dreams of thousand others like him, which itself takes more than just plain luck.
The spectator! Aah.. the most convenient job in the world. When you are done with lazing around in the house, turn on the TV, switch to Star Sports, watch two Great players compete against each other(its as competitive and as important to the players as a Gladiator match was- the only difference is the axe and weapons are replaced with racquets) , blast out at the players for every fault while a silent ‘Nice Shot’ for a spectacular volley down the baseline!!! Its so easy. The best part is anyone can be an expert on Tennis- you , me even my 5 year old nephew- you just need to watch a few games on TV- and you are ready to become a spectator(and critic rolled into one). The media is the epitome of this ‘Spectatorship’- comments, criticism and reviews on the minutest of mistakes while a very low-key appreciation for brilliance so that it is not misunderstood by other fellow spectators(readers/viewers) as being ‘Biased’.
Life is pretty much like a game of Tennis for me Lucky. There are a few people who are into the action and practising each day in the hope that the Grand Slam is going to be theirs’ some day- the participants. While on the other hand, most of mankind is just a spectator to whatever is happening or what is ‘Shown’ to them. The only difference between Tennis and life is that there are not sufficient good participants in the game of life- most of these winners are undeserving people, simply because the deserving ones opt to sit out and merely be spectators.The justification, well simple- 'Its a lot of effort with no guarantee' or 'these games are all fixed by people in even bigger positions' or 'I am just enjoying my life the way it is now' and the worst 'Whats wrong with things now? Let them do what they are doing and let me do things!!'. But I dont blame these people completely Lucky. What is happening in the process of these undeserving bastards playing the game is, they are modifying the rules of the game, they are creating system where only people like them can excel, there is absolutely no place for outsiders, it is getting tougher to become a champion or for that matter even compete at the highest level.
Coming to the point Lucky- I completely admit to the fact that I am a spectator to this big game called life. Things are happening around me, crazy things if I may add. I talk about these things, discuss, debate, criticize the system but at the end of the day- I am merely watching the game conveniently enjoying the comforts of life. But on the inside- I am confused and frustrated to a large extent. I dont want to be just another spectator who took birth just to die one fine day. I dont want to pretend as if everything around me is all right and live like a loser on the inside. I want to be there- in the action- competing, fighting I should say- fight against stupid people and unjustified rules. Its tough, very tough, its an understatement to even be trying to compare it to a world war. I want to be a participant, a champion maybe- but I dont know... I dont know if I am good enough, or at least courageous enough. Its black or white- you are either in the court or in the stands, if you are not part of the solution- you are part of the problem. Fill in the gaps for me Lucky.. please...

You dont know what you get....

2010-04-08T11:15:00.000-07:00

Hi Lucky,
I know its 5am and not the best time to be writing to you. But something interesting happened today Lucky. I had a really interesting meeting today,shared some really interesting thoughts with a person and learnt a lot about life. No, its not a girl and neither is it one of my official meetings with one of the stereotype managers coming straight out of a ‘Manager Factory’. It was none other than a 10 year old kid!!!!!
Its that phase of my life when I just want to be alone and I was trying to escape from life last night- not sure about what I was doing or what I ought to be doing or whether I was thinking too much or if I was just getting worried for nothing. I was taking some time out from my boring life and trying to enjoy the waves on the beach and staring at the moon(more a crescent) when somebody decided to ruin the only few moments of solace I had in a long time by tapping on my shoulder(I thought- Oh crap!! It’s the cops- you are not supposed to be at the beach past 12)- and it was this 9 or 10 year old kid! Wearing kiddie sleeveless and three-fourths, soiled from top to bottom, a huge balloon and a pair of Nike sneakers in his hands- this kid looks at me and says-“Bhaiyya!! I need a favour…”. I was like- Kid & favour???. “That’s my brother” and points to a distant figure- couldn’t see his face- but my height maybe. “Hes been talking to his girlfriend for almost 2 hours now and he is not listening to me. My brother told Mummy that he wanted to take Rambo-our dog, to the beach and now we’ve been here for two hours”. The kid now sat next to me and said- “can I wait here till he is done? I am feeling scared alone and he is driving me away so that I cant listen to his personal talk”. The beach at midnight is the best place one could get some privacy and recollect thoughts and possibly resolve a few internal conflicts. The Kid had to ruin it!!! I hate Kids- man they are like the mosquitoes you have around in the house- they keep buzzing into your ears, sucking out the little bit of blood in the body that remains(the remaining is just some fluid- a waste), don’t allow you sleep or even rest- even the freaking repellents don’t work for too long- the mosquitoes become immune with time.
The kid bugged me with stupid stuff about himself and questions that I was in no mood to answer and I monosyllabically answered a few questions, which is when the kid came out with something crazy out of the blue-“You don’t seem happy??”. I was a bit startled to see this coming from a kid and got really pissed and blasted out- “Listen Kid- I hate my work, I have no friends, I don’t feel like talking to people, I cant go back in time to change things, I don’t feel like eating or sleeping or passing a smile or just seeing people in the first place. So I am not exactly happy- and I don’t feel there is anything great that can happen by talking to you. Talk to me only if you think you can help or if you at least care to listen”. Whoa… that was mean…. Really mean on my part- and I thought the kid would run away, probably even cry- but to my surprise he did something crazy Lucky, he got up and moved towards me- I thought he has a dagger hidden somewhere and would probably stab me for what I said. But to my surprise he came over and hugged me. And I was just baffled at this weird action of his - Is this kid crazy or am I crazy to be talking to a stranger (after all one of the few things I still believe what my mother told me as a kid- Don’t talk to strangers!!). The kid then says-“Feel better?”. I thought of saying “Feels sick you freako kid… what were you thinking??”. But then I held back my words and thoughts, I don’t know why or how. It was actually feeling a bit lighter, calmer like a soothing breeze(although it was quite windy on the beach already) and I said “Yeah- it does feel better”. The kid says “And I don’t even know you!! You know what my Mummy says- you can feel happy if you want to feel so, you can be sad if you want to be so- its all in your hands. See I don’t even know you and you feel better just because you think I care for you- but I don’t!!” . I was baffled, dumbfounded- Who is this kid??? Is he some kind of Messiah or something??. He continues –“Now try another thing- Close you eyes for 10 seconds and take deep breaths- you’ll feel even better”. I did so and started taking deep breaths- it was actually feeling better and was almost getting into meditation mode. I could hear the kid say- “Breathe Slowly.. slowly” initially but his voice died down. The 10 seconds became 20 and then 30 and after nearly a minute I opened my eyes- the Kid was gone.
I looked around and couldn’t see him. I saw his brother was still busy on the phone and ran to him and asked him “Where is your brother?”. ”What brother?? Whos brother??”. I immediately guessed that the kid had bluffed and then I feared the worst and checked for my wallet and phone- they were quite obviously gone. I mean what was I thinking- Midnight-kid wanting to sit next to me of all people in the world- duh!! I’m a fool. I ran to the cops(for a change) and one of the cops’ obvious answer in tamil “Inge addu common taane”(this is a common thing here). Aaaah- the kid was just another ‘Kallan’ (Pick-pocket).
I did a bit of running around, a few phone calls- but to no effect, afterall it was the middle of the night.After being worried and tensed and pissed for some time- not knowing what to do- I just retired back to where I was sitting on the beach. I started looking at the crescent once again and remembered what the kid said started taking deep breaths. Although,this time for over 5 minutes- and this time it was different- although I was worried about having lost all the stuff- I was also feeling liberated and at end of those 5 minutes everything seemed to just have become normal again- I was actually feeling better. It was a feeling of being suspended by a harness and rope in a Bungee Jump- you are worried and tensed and yet you are free…
When I look back at it Lucky, that phone and the money were the root cause for a lot of my troubles(not getting into details- you already know it), not just in my life but in the lives of everyone around. And they were gone- just like that! The kid wasn’t a Pick-pocket after all, and I’m convinced it wasn’t just a coincidence!!

This is not me Lucky....

2010-01-19T06:54:00.000-08:00

What have I made of myself Lucky? What has life made of me? I wasnt this way. I wasnt so heartless, I wasnt so indifferent, I wasnt so...ordinary. Thats what I have become Lucky- Ordinary!!! I realized that I'm just an ordinary guy- just existing- I'm just like the others around me. Passionate, ambitious, enthusiastic, brilliant, different- I used to be called all this back in college, or at least, I used to be called a happy-go-lucky guy. Where has that happiness gone Lucky??? I'm just another one of those people I meet everyday- people whose passion is their passion to make money, people who's ambition is the ambition to kill everyone around if required to grow, people who's brilliance is the brilliance in trying to fool others. What have I become Lucky? I always strived to be special, not another selfish ordinary guy concerned about his own life. I made lots of compromises to reach where I am today Lucky, all because I thought I'll be different from the others, or at least, Happy. But I let it all go Lucky. This is not me- I'm not this!!! I even pissed off the only person in this world who made me feel good about life- Anita. Its only now I realize that Anita was the only thing that kept me going all this while, she actually cared for me. She was the only reason that made me feel that I'm not a bum-I felt I'm special- but sadly- I never did the same for her and I'm glad more than sad that someone else is doing so today. She deserves happiness and not me.
I dont feel like talking to anyone Lucky, everyone outside is a hypocrite, waiting for you to say something, turn it into something 'Sensational' or 'Controversial' and then scrutinize and analyse what you said- not caring about what you feel on the inside. Thats what these guys have been 'trained' to do- find fault in others- ridicule them and then grow!!I meet only such people each day Lucky- phony, back-biting, sycophants who care only for themselves. Even 'The Company' cares as long as I work for that half a percent growth in profits or a quarter percent growth in market share- would the company give a damn about a 200 percent drop in morale or 500 percent reduction in the happiness levels of its 10 times 'Employee of the Month'???
I so very want to go back in time Lucky, I dont want money, I dont want a job, I dont want a vacation, I dont want to booze- I just want to be happy again. I want to sit with Topi, Yuki and Rannu on the roof-top and booze all night, I want to go to Goa sitting on the top of a bus singing all night, I want to perform with my band again, I want to write stories again, I want to play the piano again,I want to share that Vanilla Ice-cream with Anita again, I want to.... I want to live once again Lucky- I want to live....

My lifes' best moments Lucky

2010-01-16T06:47:00.000-08:00

Good evening Lucky,

I was sitting on the beach last night(my favorite passtime now) just looking back at my life and thinking about all that I have seen, experienced, achieved and learnt. And I realized Lucky, that the moments I remember the most in life are not the big things I set out to achieve in the first place- its not even things that you account for when preparing your resume, neither is it things you can explain to others, these moments are just there- there to be experienced, to be felt and to be remembered. You remember these moments whenever you feel low, feel depressed, feel that you are completely useless, a waste of 80 kilos of mass- and then- you all of a sudden feel- that you aint that useless afterall.

The first moment that came to my mind was the first time I stole mangoes at the age of 10. There was this deserted school close to where I lived and 4 of us decided that we are going to slip across the guard to climb the mango tree and get hold of a few mangoes. We did successfully manage to escape the eye of the guard- but then when we got to the Mango tree- my conscience started telling me- "NO STEALING-REMEMBER WHAT MUMMY SAID ABOUT THIEFS AND HONESTY???". Another guy did run away - probably his conscience got the better of him. But I dont know what happened to me- I for the first time in my life(the life I remember that is)I did something that my parents warned me against doing. But I went ahead with it climbed the Mango tree and after about 10 minutes of effort , we got the mangoes. I bit into one of the mangoes - it was bitter- really bitter and I nearly spit it out-when- the taste all of a sudden turned into sweetness-the sweetness of achievement- sweetness that overcame the bitterness, and it was ecstatic- my god Lucky- never has any mango ever tasted so sweet ever again. I'd never forget that moment.

The second was another moment of triumph in my life- although nothing worth mentioning in my resume- but I'd never forget that as well. This was when I was in Class 5. We were each supposed to prepare a story to tell to the class-and we had a weeks' time to do so- this was less of an assignment and more of a test of "How many students are obedient enough to listen to me" on the english teachers' part(I dont remember her name now). I obviously screwed up- dint prepare anything and went to school(Actually entirely forgot about the whole thing). And then everybody in class seemed to have prepared something or the other- and I was thinking- 'I'm screwed man'- even bloody Mohan Shankar(Rank 36 out of 36 students in the class) had prepared a story and flashed his piece of paper to me. And then it started- one by one each of the kids started telling stories- everyone reading out from a piece of paper- most of the stories were lame- even by 5th class standards- even Sandhya- the topper told a really lame story about her going to the market with her grandmother- to which the teacher was like- 'Thats lovely Sandhya'- and I was like- 'Come one guys- grow up- you are no longer in 2nd standard'. Then came my turn(Roll number 32- my name being with S- just four guys after me). I had no clue- about what I had to do or say- I was petrified- terrified- I was nearly about to pee in my pants(actually I later on thought I could have just pee-ed in my pants and escaped- it would have been less embarassing). But then from somewhere an idea struck me-I dont know if I can call it divine intervention or something- I thought- why not just repeat one of the stories my Grandmom(my mom's mom) told me?? Add masala to it- twists and turns- and make it a bit more interesting- see what happens. I went up to the teachers desk and I said-"I remember the story so I dont need to refer to my paper"- to which the teacher said- "Fine!! Go Ahead". And then I narrated this story about how a thief broke into my grandmoms' house a few decades back( i dont know when it was or it if it even actually hapened). I added a few twists- typical bollywood stlye and for a change the sleepy class was now turning into a curious one wanting to know what happened- I was stopped about 5 times in between to clarify doubts- about what the thief looked like and how exactly he broke the door.At the end of the story- there was silence for a few seconds- and then our beloved english teacher stood up and started clapping, everyone else followed suite and for the first time in my life Lucky- I felt special, different- and I was beaming with a big smile on my face. The teacher then took me to other sections and also the staff room to narrate the story again. I realized two things that day Lucky- one- that everyone has something special about him/her- you just have to realize what it is and the second- that I'm a bloody good story teller!!!! Although I never tried telling stories after that in my life- but I might again!!!!

The third moment Lucky is the one where I got to see Aishwarya Rai-Yess!! I did manage to get a glimpse of her. There was this movie of hers' that was being shot in Bangalore and I came to know of it through a friend of mine and I decided that this was it- I had to see her. I slipped out of home on a Sunday morning lying that I was going to a friends place at 6 in the morning. And Vishal and me reached the site. It was bloody crowded- it seemed like the entire city had landed up there to get a glimpse of Aishwarya Rai. There were not less than ten thousand people and we were two 11 year old kids who were barely even visible in the crowd- it seemed more like two dwarfs in a crowd of giants. But then it kind of worked to our advantage where we managed to sneak through the crowd to the front where there was a rope tied to prevent people from getting in. Our eyes were searching for an angelic beauty- there were lots of good looking girls(the dancers!!) but no sight of Aishwarya. We waited and waited all day- we kept checking with people around us- and everyone was like 'Arre- abhi aati hi hogi!!!'.It had been 10 hours nearly- we were standing in the heat and sweating like crazy-no food- a lot of people had given up and left- and I was even worried about what I'd tell my parents about where I had been all day. But then at half past 5, she came- Aishwarya Rai came out of her trailer-cum-van in a white dress- she was a real person afterall. All the heat, frustration seemed to have just disappeared and I was staring at her like a kid at chocolates. Till then I wasnt convinced that a real person called Aishwarya Rai existed- or could probably exist- it seemed more like the figment of somebody's imaginaion- how could somebody so beautiful exist in the first place?? All posters were photoshopeed probably and all movies- an advanced form of 3d effect. But then all doubts were put to rest. She did some dance steps under the supervision of some female(the choreographer obviously)- her hands and body ware obviously real I thought. It felt really great Lucky- for some reason- it was another moment of achievement for me- nothing I can write in my resume again- but I felt really great and I still cherish that I did something this crazy at such a young age.

The reason I'm telling you all this crap Lucky, is that I have decided something- something really big- that I'm going to pursue for such special moments in my remaining lifetime- I feel I'd be more successful having 10 such moments in my lifetime than having all the money in the world!!!!

Lucky oh Lucky...

2010-01-15T04:34:00.000-08:00

You know Lucky, after having struggled to survive the heat and dust of a frustrating, boring and monotonous life, you often get the feeling that the end is not very far- the end of life. A sun-stroke is first going to get you down and then the heat is going to burn you down to ashes and these ashes are to be carried away by a strong heat wave finally making you a part of this great desert storm called ‘Dissatisfaction’- a collection of ashes of millions of dissatisfied and frustrated people who finally succumbed to the pressures of life. So, I was now preparing to get hit by a sun-stroke any time, any where and become a part of this storm, the only consolation being that I wasn’t alone.All dreams of becoming successful in life, hopes of achieving something great- all down the drain. I felt like this was it- the end is here. But that wasn’t to be. For the first time in my life, somebody walked in, like a cool breeze in the heat of the summers. Clouds started to fill the skies covering the sun and taking away the heat. And droplets- falling down onto my face- seems like its been years since it rained. The droplets- more like droplets of medicinal potion dropping from the heavens- healing all the wounds on my forehead and face, wounds caused by the stones thrown at me by life. But ironically Lucky, I wasnt thinking about all this frenzy happening around me- all I could I could think about then was her face. I have seen faces- bright faces, beautiful faces, enlightened faces, inspiring faces, livening faces- but By-Jove Lucky, I havent seen a face like that- a face that’s all of this and yet so much more. Her eyes- every time I look into her eyes- I have to keep looking at them and yet- I don’t want to stare into them for too long- she might just shy away- I don’t want to ruin the little that exists between us.

The other day, I was driving home and I happened to stop at Café Prado. It was raining like crazy. And I happened to see her. She was waiting in the shade for the rain to subside so that she could get back home. I was about to wave to her from inside my car- when she did something unexpected, insane I’d say. She threw away her umbrella and walked into the rain- raised her arms and looked up at the heavens with her eyes closed. She was enjoying the rains- not worried about getting drenched or about what someone would think. She then broke into a dance- a dance of joy, the joy being released, released from the prison of life. It was as if she stole all the fun everyone around her had stocked up but never used. I waited inside the car, motionless, watching her enjoy.Success today for me would be just going out and dancing with her. Achieving would be just to hold her hands. She was full of life, full of fun, full of Love- my god lucky- did I just say love??? My life has started making sense again Lucky- I have a mission now. I have to tell her that I love her, I love just looking at her face, I love just talking to her, just looking at her talk– I don’t care if she likes me or not, I anyways don’t deserve her, I’m too human for something as divine as her, but in case I manage to get her attention, I’m at least assured of the fact that she wont mind me looking into her eyes everyday for a couple of minutes more, talking to her for a few minutes more, maybe jump out of the car and dance with her next time- that’ll be so heavenly, ecstatic. I know I’m being selfish to be dreaming to achieve all this- I already have got my life back and I thank the almighty each day for it- but- still somewhere deep inside- I hope that she loves me too. I’m aware that there is no quality worth loving in me- but today I pray with all heart and hope that there is some quality somewhere in me, that I’m not aware of, and that she loves about me…