Hi Lucky,
I am here to bug you again. One question has been nagging me for quite some time. I’ll try to put it in a way that you can understand. Of all the people I have met, read about, heard about, dreamed or imagined of in my relatively short lifetime, I think all of them can be easily dichotomized into two categories- Participants and Spectators.
Its just like a game of tennis, a couple of players and millions of spectators watching the action. It takes months and may be even years of struggle and toil for a player to reach a Grand Slam or a least an ATP tournament where there are spectators to watch them play. Thousands start out playing aiming to become a Grand Slam winner some day- years of discipline, commitment, hard work and of course there is that element of luck- only a few make it to the top. Although lot of people (mostly cynics) say that a large portion of success is plain luck- I kind of disagree- I believe in the age-old saying of luck favouring the brave. After all, you have to be brave and perseverant enough to see through tough times, challenges and hardships to reach the top (this is not bollywood my friend where an actors’ kid is an actor by virtue of his birth- its pure merit here- that’s why I love sport!!). Each day hundreds pick up a racquet in some corner of the world with this dream of becoming the next Sampras or Borg or Federer and if someone has reached the top- if not anything else – he has at least crushed the dreams of thousand others like him, which itself takes more than just plain luck.
The spectator! Aah.. the most convenient job in the world. When you are done with lazing around in the house, turn on the TV, switch to Star Sports, watch two Great players compete against each other(its as competitive and as important to the players as a Gladiator match was- the only difference is the axe and weapons are replaced with racquets) , blast out at the players for every fault while a silent ‘Nice Shot’ for a spectacular volley down the baseline!!! Its so easy. The best part is anyone can be an expert on Tennis- you , me even my 5 year old nephew- you just need to watch a few games on TV- and you are ready to become a spectator(and critic rolled into one). The media is the epitome of this ‘Spectatorship’- comments, criticism and reviews on the minutest of mistakes while a very low-key appreciation for brilliance so that it is not misunderstood by other fellow spectators(readers/viewers) as being ‘Biased’.
Life is pretty much like a game of Tennis for me Lucky. There are a few people who are into the action and practising each day in the hope that the Grand Slam is going to be theirs’ some day- the participants. While on the other hand, most of mankind is just a spectator to whatever is happening or what is ‘Shown’ to them. The only difference between Tennis and life is that there are not sufficient good participants in the game of life- most of these winners are undeserving people, simply because the deserving ones opt to sit out and merely be spectators.The justification, well simple- 'Its a lot of effort with no guarantee' or 'these games are all fixed by people in even bigger positions' or 'I am just enjoying my life the way it is now' and the worst 'Whats wrong with things now? Let them do what they are doing and let me do things!!'. But I dont blame these people completely Lucky. What is happening in the process of these undeserving bastards playing the game is, they are modifying the rules of the game, they are creating system where only people like them can excel, there is absolutely no place for outsiders, it is getting tougher to become a champion or for that matter even compete at the highest level.
Coming to the point Lucky- I completely admit to the fact that I am a spectator to this big game called life. Things are happening around me, crazy things if I may add. I talk about these things, discuss, debate, criticize the system but at the end of the day- I am merely watching the game conveniently enjoying the comforts of life. But on the inside- I am confused and frustrated to a large extent. I dont want to be just another spectator who took birth just to die one fine day. I dont want to pretend as if everything around me is all right and live like a loser on the inside. I want to be there- in the action- competing, fighting I should say- fight against stupid people and unjustified rules. Its tough, very tough, its an understatement to even be trying to compare it to a world war. I want to be a participant, a champion maybe- but I dont know... I dont know if I am good enough, or at least courageous enough. Its black or white- you are either in the court or in the stands, if you are not part of the solution- you are part of the problem. Fill in the gaps for me Lucky.. please...
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
You dont know what you get....
Hi Lucky,
I know its 5am and not the best time to be writing to you. But something interesting happened today Lucky. I had a really interesting meeting today,shared some really interesting thoughts with a person and learnt a lot about life. No, its not a girl and neither is it one of my official meetings with one of the stereotype managers coming straight out of a ‘Manager Factory’. It was none other than a 10 year old kid!!!!!
Its that phase of my life when I just want to be alone and I was trying to escape from life last night- not sure about what I was doing or what I ought to be doing or whether I was thinking too much or if I was just getting worried for nothing. I was taking some time out from my boring life and trying to enjoy the waves on the beach and staring at the moon(more a crescent) when somebody decided to ruin the only few moments of solace I had in a long time by tapping on my shoulder(I thought- Oh crap!! It’s the cops- you are not supposed to be at the beach past 12)- and it was this 9 or 10 year old kid! Wearing kiddie sleeveless and three-fourths, soiled from top to bottom, a huge balloon and a pair of Nike sneakers in his hands- this kid looks at me and says-“Bhaiyya!! I need a favour…”. I was like- Kid & favour???. “That’s my brother” and points to a distant figure- couldn’t see his face- but my height maybe. “Hes been talking to his girlfriend for almost 2 hours now and he is not listening to me. My brother told Mummy that he wanted to take Rambo-our dog, to the beach and now we’ve been here for two hours”. The kid now sat next to me and said- “can I wait here till he is done? I am feeling scared alone and he is driving me away so that I cant listen to his personal talk”. The beach at midnight is the best place one could get some privacy and recollect thoughts and possibly resolve a few internal conflicts. The Kid had to ruin it!!! I hate Kids- man they are like the mosquitoes you have around in the house- they keep buzzing into your ears, sucking out the little bit of blood in the body that remains(the remaining is just some fluid- a waste), don’t allow you sleep or even rest- even the freaking repellents don’t work for too long- the mosquitoes become immune with time.
The kid bugged me with stupid stuff about himself and questions that I was in no mood to answer and I monosyllabically answered a few questions, which is when the kid came out with something crazy out of the blue-“You don’t seem happy??”. I was a bit startled to see this coming from a kid and got really pissed and blasted out- “Listen Kid- I hate my work, I have no friends, I don’t feel like talking to people, I cant go back in time to change things, I don’t feel like eating or sleeping or passing a smile or just seeing people in the first place. So I am not exactly happy- and I don’t feel there is anything great that can happen by talking to you. Talk to me only if you think you can help or if you at least care to listen”. Whoa… that was mean…. Really mean on my part- and I thought the kid would run away, probably even cry- but to my surprise he did something crazy Lucky, he got up and moved towards me- I thought he has a dagger hidden somewhere and would probably stab me for what I said. But to my surprise he came over and hugged me. And I was just baffled at this weird action of his - Is this kid crazy or am I crazy to be talking to a stranger (after all one of the few things I still believe what my mother told me as a kid- Don’t talk to strangers!!). The kid then says-“Feel better?”. I thought of saying “Feels sick you freako kid… what were you thinking??”. But then I held back my words and thoughts, I don’t know why or how. It was actually feeling a bit lighter, calmer like a soothing breeze(although it was quite windy on the beach already) and I said “Yeah- it does feel better”. The kid says “And I don’t even know you!! You know what my Mummy says- you can feel happy if you want to feel so, you can be sad if you want to be so- its all in your hands. See I don’t even know you and you feel better just because you think I care for you- but I don’t!!” . I was baffled, dumbfounded- Who is this kid??? Is he some kind of Messiah or something??. He continues –“Now try another thing- Close you eyes for 10 seconds and take deep breaths- you’ll feel even better”. I did so and started taking deep breaths- it was actually feeling better and was almost getting into meditation mode. I could hear the kid say- “Breathe Slowly.. slowly” initially but his voice died down. The 10 seconds became 20 and then 30 and after nearly a minute I opened my eyes- the Kid was gone.
I looked around and couldn’t see him. I saw his brother was still busy on the phone and ran to him and asked him “Where is your brother?”. ”What brother?? Whos brother??”. I immediately guessed that the kid had bluffed and then I feared the worst and checked for my wallet and phone- they were quite obviously gone. I mean what was I thinking- Midnight-kid wanting to sit next to me of all people in the world- duh!! I’m a fool. I ran to the cops(for a change) and one of the cops’ obvious answer in tamil “Inge addu common taane”(this is a common thing here). Aaaah- the kid was just another ‘Kallan’ (Pick-pocket).
I did a bit of running around, a few phone calls- but to no effect, afterall it was the middle of the night.After being worried and tensed and pissed for some time- not knowing what to do- I just retired back to where I was sitting on the beach. I started looking at the crescent once again and remembered what the kid said started taking deep breaths. Although,this time for over 5 minutes- and this time it was different- although I was worried about having lost all the stuff- I was also feeling liberated and at end of those 5 minutes everything seemed to just have become normal again- I was actually feeling better. It was a feeling of being suspended by a harness and rope in a Bungee Jump- you are worried and tensed and yet you are free…
When I look back at it Lucky, that phone and the money were the root cause for a lot of my troubles(not getting into details- you already know it), not just in my life but in the lives of everyone around. And they were gone- just like that! The kid wasn’t a Pick-pocket after all, and I’m convinced it wasn’t just a coincidence!!
I know its 5am and not the best time to be writing to you. But something interesting happened today Lucky. I had a really interesting meeting today,shared some really interesting thoughts with a person and learnt a lot about life. No, its not a girl and neither is it one of my official meetings with one of the stereotype managers coming straight out of a ‘Manager Factory’. It was none other than a 10 year old kid!!!!!
Its that phase of my life when I just want to be alone and I was trying to escape from life last night- not sure about what I was doing or what I ought to be doing or whether I was thinking too much or if I was just getting worried for nothing. I was taking some time out from my boring life and trying to enjoy the waves on the beach and staring at the moon(more a crescent) when somebody decided to ruin the only few moments of solace I had in a long time by tapping on my shoulder(I thought- Oh crap!! It’s the cops- you are not supposed to be at the beach past 12)- and it was this 9 or 10 year old kid! Wearing kiddie sleeveless and three-fourths, soiled from top to bottom, a huge balloon and a pair of Nike sneakers in his hands- this kid looks at me and says-“Bhaiyya!! I need a favour…”. I was like- Kid & favour???. “That’s my brother” and points to a distant figure- couldn’t see his face- but my height maybe. “Hes been talking to his girlfriend for almost 2 hours now and he is not listening to me. My brother told Mummy that he wanted to take Rambo-our dog, to the beach and now we’ve been here for two hours”. The kid now sat next to me and said- “can I wait here till he is done? I am feeling scared alone and he is driving me away so that I cant listen to his personal talk”. The beach at midnight is the best place one could get some privacy and recollect thoughts and possibly resolve a few internal conflicts. The Kid had to ruin it!!! I hate Kids- man they are like the mosquitoes you have around in the house- they keep buzzing into your ears, sucking out the little bit of blood in the body that remains(the remaining is just some fluid- a waste), don’t allow you sleep or even rest- even the freaking repellents don’t work for too long- the mosquitoes become immune with time.
The kid bugged me with stupid stuff about himself and questions that I was in no mood to answer and I monosyllabically answered a few questions, which is when the kid came out with something crazy out of the blue-“You don’t seem happy??”. I was a bit startled to see this coming from a kid and got really pissed and blasted out- “Listen Kid- I hate my work, I have no friends, I don’t feel like talking to people, I cant go back in time to change things, I don’t feel like eating or sleeping or passing a smile or just seeing people in the first place. So I am not exactly happy- and I don’t feel there is anything great that can happen by talking to you. Talk to me only if you think you can help or if you at least care to listen”. Whoa… that was mean…. Really mean on my part- and I thought the kid would run away, probably even cry- but to my surprise he did something crazy Lucky, he got up and moved towards me- I thought he has a dagger hidden somewhere and would probably stab me for what I said. But to my surprise he came over and hugged me. And I was just baffled at this weird action of his - Is this kid crazy or am I crazy to be talking to a stranger (after all one of the few things I still believe what my mother told me as a kid- Don’t talk to strangers!!). The kid then says-“Feel better?”. I thought of saying “Feels sick you freako kid… what were you thinking??”. But then I held back my words and thoughts, I don’t know why or how. It was actually feeling a bit lighter, calmer like a soothing breeze(although it was quite windy on the beach already) and I said “Yeah- it does feel better”. The kid says “And I don’t even know you!! You know what my Mummy says- you can feel happy if you want to feel so, you can be sad if you want to be so- its all in your hands. See I don’t even know you and you feel better just because you think I care for you- but I don’t!!” . I was baffled, dumbfounded- Who is this kid??? Is he some kind of Messiah or something??. He continues –“Now try another thing- Close you eyes for 10 seconds and take deep breaths- you’ll feel even better”. I did so and started taking deep breaths- it was actually feeling better and was almost getting into meditation mode. I could hear the kid say- “Breathe Slowly.. slowly” initially but his voice died down. The 10 seconds became 20 and then 30 and after nearly a minute I opened my eyes- the Kid was gone.
I looked around and couldn’t see him. I saw his brother was still busy on the phone and ran to him and asked him “Where is your brother?”. ”What brother?? Whos brother??”. I immediately guessed that the kid had bluffed and then I feared the worst and checked for my wallet and phone- they were quite obviously gone. I mean what was I thinking- Midnight-kid wanting to sit next to me of all people in the world- duh!! I’m a fool. I ran to the cops(for a change) and one of the cops’ obvious answer in tamil “Inge addu common taane”(this is a common thing here). Aaaah- the kid was just another ‘Kallan’ (Pick-pocket).
I did a bit of running around, a few phone calls- but to no effect, afterall it was the middle of the night.After being worried and tensed and pissed for some time- not knowing what to do- I just retired back to where I was sitting on the beach. I started looking at the crescent once again and remembered what the kid said started taking deep breaths. Although,this time for over 5 minutes- and this time it was different- although I was worried about having lost all the stuff- I was also feeling liberated and at end of those 5 minutes everything seemed to just have become normal again- I was actually feeling better. It was a feeling of being suspended by a harness and rope in a Bungee Jump- you are worried and tensed and yet you are free…
When I look back at it Lucky, that phone and the money were the root cause for a lot of my troubles(not getting into details- you already know it), not just in my life but in the lives of everyone around. And they were gone- just like that! The kid wasn’t a Pick-pocket after all, and I’m convinced it wasn’t just a coincidence!!
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